428: 3 Reasons Why Leading with Peace Has Greater Impact Than Anxiety

Is anxiety running your leadership on empty? Discover how peace, rest, and soul care can offer a more fulfilling and impactful way to lead. In this episode, Gem and Alan Fadling share transformative insights from their work as founding partners of Unhurried Living, helping leaders shift from pressure to purpose with rhythms of renewal and deeper self-awareness.

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In this episode:

Gem and Alan's Collaborative Work and Marriage Journey

• Background and Ministry Partnership:

  • Gem and Alan Fadling are co-founders of Unhurried Living, a nonprofit focused on helping leaders operate with fullness instead of burnout. (03:07)
  • Their ministry partnership spans 40+ years, starting from their youth ministry volunteering days. (05:47)
  • Their spiritual journey includes transitions from being Baptists to Anglicans, maintaining unity throughout. (06:09)

• Collaboration and Personality Dynamics:

  • Their personalities are opposites (e.g., introvert vs. extrovert) but complement each other. (06:20)
  • Therapy and learned tools have helped them navigate differences, fostering effective communication and teamwork. (06:49)
  • Their contrasting strengths make their collaboration relatable and impactful. (07:19)

Alan’s Insights on Anxiety and Peace

• Anxiety vs. Peace:

  • Alan’s book A Non-Anxious Life explores moving from anxiety-driven leadership to peace-driven leadership. (8:36)
  • Anxiety can feel like a motivator but is unsustainable, causing harm to physical health, relationships, and work quality. (09:42)
  • Peace, as a sustainable energy source, fuels motivations rooted in love, joy, and hope, aligning with the fruits of the Spirit. (10:29)

• Personal Shift:

  • Alan reflected during COVID on replacing anxiety with peace, trusting Jesus’ perspective on anxiety. (09:56)
  • He realized peace is a cleaner, more sustainable source of energy than anxiety’s "dirty fuel." (10:09)

Gem’s Framework for Managing Thoughts and Anxiety

• Thought Awareness:

  • Anxiety manifests as physical symptoms (e.g., tightness, upset stomach) and a flurry of negative thoughts (e.g., self-doubt, fear of failure). (11:55)
  • Gem emphasizes the importance of noticing and addressing these thought patterns intentionally. (12:02)

• The NDR Process:

  • Gem’s framework for managing anxiety involves:
    1. Notice: Recognize the anxious thought or feeling. (12:38)
    2. Discern: Determine its source and whether it aligns with God’s purpose. (12:55)
    3. Respond: Take appropriate action—either a quick pivot or deeper steps for long-term healing. (13:15)
  • NDR can be applied both in quick moments and for deeper, longer-term discernment. (13:29)

Silence and Solitude

• Role in Self-Awareness:
  • Practicing silence and solitude fosters self-awareness and spiritual grounding. (14:52)
  • These practices allow space to reflect on challenges and discern their root causes. (15:47)

Insights on Workaholism

• Workaholism in Culture:

  • Alan highlighted that workaholism is often rewarded and affirmed in our culture, making it a pervasive issue. (17:22)
  • He clarified that the solution is not laziness but a healthier approach to work. (17:37)

• Core Truths for Leaders:

  • Work should not be a source of value or identity but a place to express identity. (17:49)
  • Leaders must recognize that their worth does not rise and fall with their work achievements. (17:59)

Role of Solitude and Silence

• Solitude and silence counteract workaholism by removing external pressures:
  • No one to impress, no tasks to complete, and no achievements required. (18:15)
  • These moments allow individuals to hear God’s reminder of unconditional love, independent of their work. (18:31)

Foundational Shift in Perspective

• Without this shift, individuals risk being trapped on a treadmill of proving their worth through their work, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction. (18:50)
• Leaders must embrace identity as given by God rather than earned through work. (19:05)

Mental Health and Soul Care

• Leaders must prioritize "soul care," an older framework tied to the care of souls, as the foundation for sustainable leadership. (20:05)
• Soul care should not be seen as optional or secondary; it is essential for both leaders and those they serve. (20:25)
• Sabbaticals and rhythms of rest, such as weekly Sabbaths and annual breaks, are crucial to avoid crisis-mode recovery and foster long-term well-being. (21:47)
• Leaders should embrace rhythms of life that prioritize enjoyment of God and His grace, rather than productivity. (22:08)

Time Management and Rhythms of Life

• Leaders should view time as sufficient for the tasks God has given, challenging common beliefs like "I don’t have time for this." (22:40)
• A "rhythm of life" helps leaders focus on what matters most by calendaring life-giving activities first. (23:07)
• Life-giving activities, such as nature walks or hobbies, should be intentionally integrated into daily routines. (23:37)

Vulnerability and Support

• Leaders need to acknowledge their imperfections, practice humility, and avoid acting as though they are solely responsible for outcomes. (23:54)
• Seeking support is essential for mental health, including mentors, therapists, spiritual directors, or trusted confidants. (24:33)
• Vulnerability, including sharing struggles and joys with trusted individuals, fosters growth and resilience. (25:09)
• Daily, weekly, monthly, and annual rhythms include:
  • Daily: Quiet time with God (Scripture, prayer). (27:45)
  • Weekly: Observing a Sabbath to rest and enjoy God's presence. (25:46)
  • Monthly: Half- or full-day solitude retreats for reflection and silence. (25:51)
  • Quarterly: 24-hour silent retreats for spiritual renewal. (27:17)
  • Yearly: Mini-sabbaticals or extended breaks, like taking a month off in quieter periods (e.g., July). (26:35)

Leadership and Strong Character

• Importance of Character:

  • Al emphasized that strong character is essential for leadership and is a top factor in flourishing workplace cultures, as shown by Best Christian Workplaces' research. (29:01)

• Introduction of a Case Study:

  • Gem shared a story about coaching a young leader, aged 26–31, who transitioned from corporate work to entrepreneurship while striving for a more balanced life. (29:22)

Coaching Journey

• Initial Challenges:

  • The leader had workaholic tendencies, including answering emails around the clock and struggling with boundaries. (29:51)
  • She desired change but didn’t know how to implement it, reflecting cultural norms that reward overwork. (30:14)

• Core Conversations and Intentionality:

  • Coaching focused on time management and the leader’s beliefs about using time to become the person she aspired to be. (30:27)
  • Topics included practicing Sabbath, setting boundaries, and creating a rhythmed life of work and rest. (30:55)

Transformation and Results

• Practical Changes:

  • She experimented with Sabbath rest, vacations, and email boundaries that aligned with her needs and global work schedule. (31:04)
  • Over time, she shifted her mindset and embraced a healthier rhythm. (31:45)

• Impact on Life and Work:

  • The leader discovered that stepping back didn’t harm her business—instead, it grew. (32:04)
  • She became more effective as a coach, embodying the values she wanted to instill in her clients. (32:11)

Current Success

• Sustainable Lifestyle:
  • Now in her 30s, the leader has built a thriving, sustainable life split between Vienna and California. (32:20)
  • She balances work and rest effectively, living a life that reflects her personal and professional goals. (32:34)

Character and Soul Care

• Definition of Character: Alan defines character as the capacity to say the “yeses” and “nos” that align with Jesus' invitations, often countering cultural norms. (33:00)
• Soul Care and Leadership:
  • Leaders in high-pressure roles often internalize crises, seeing themselves as problem solvers or playing a God-like role. (33:46)
  • Alan shared a story of a leader who embraced soul care, balancing work demands with time for God, resulting in reduced anxiety and increased capacity to handle crises with perspective. (34:34)
  • Productivity as exponential rather than linear—time with God changes the leader, enhancing their work quality. (35:09)

Generational and Universal Struggles with Hurry

• Historical Perspective: The challenge of hurry spans centuries, though modern technology intensifies it. (37:07)
• Workaholism and Its Consequences:
  • Phrases like “burn out rather than rust out” reflect flawed mindsets. (37:30)
  • Sustainable productivity focuses on influence rather than constant activity. (38:13)
  • Hurry delays God’s purposes and often causes messes needing correction. (39:16)

Challenges Across Generations and Genders

• Shared Human Struggles:
  • Identity, self-worth, anxiety, and making space for God are universal issues, regardless of age or gender. (40:41)
• Generational Differences:
  • Younger generations face heightened anxiety, exacerbated by the tech age and loneliness from increased isolation. (40:59)
  • Coaching focuses on creating sacred spaces for deeper conversations, authentic sharing, and reconnecting with identity in Christ. (41:13)
  • Topics resonating across generations include burnout, insecurity, wisdom, and scarcity. (41:49)

Practical Applications

• Coaching and Community:
  • Sacred spaces for small coaching groups allow leaders to share and grow together. (42:13)
  • These spaces foster self-awareness, authentic connection, and spiritual growth in all life seasons. (42:29)
• Encouragement for a Life of Peace: Leaders are encouraged to shift from anxiety-driven work to a life centered on peace and alignment with God’s purposes. (42:47)

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